pieces

finally putting all of the pieces back together one by one. they fit well but not as well as they used to. the corners are worn and the picture is blurred, but it's still the same picture. my fingers tremble over my puzzle as if it was the last.
there are creases in the pieces from when they were folded over and over. and they feel like a soft piece of cloth .
the pieces they came from me . they're mine. and since i found it, it's been easier to find the right places to put them. it's not so hard anymore to tell which part of my life goes where and which memories i should keep. it's easier to find all the missing pieces that i lost long ago and find and put put in their spots only to be lost again.
pieces aren't hard to find but they are hard to keep. they can fall out of place so fast you won't know that part of me is already gone.
when you look at me you see the pieces that are there and not the ones that are gone. most of me is there, but i'm on the biggest mission of all... finding the rest of my pieces that are still out there to be found.

~if you find any of me out there... remind me who i am so i can have those pieces so i can hurry up to complete me.~

all broken up....

i'm feel all broken up inside...... i wanna scream and my whole world to freeze..... i need answers.... nobody has helped me..... i can't talk to anyone.... it hurts too much. you know... i need a friend....... a good friend...... please help me become unbroken..... because i'm about to get crushed. [[again]]

.....

who knows...

nothing at all is worthless
not everything is powerful...
i can see this is not goging to be easy...
but i have to try.....
i've been here so many times...
it's almost 2nd nature....
but i can fight this...
i'm am determind to do what it takes......
thats what i have to do to find my way home....
can't leave forever tho...
that would be running... and i don't run..
i will be here when eveything is right...
until then.. what will i do?
i'll keep my head held high...
facing tward the sky...
keep my sould lit with my fire...
and listen to my heart...
but most importantly...
take the blows life life will throw and kepp holding on to the breath i took in.

Poem.... i guess...

As i walk my way through this world i feel as if i'm half.
Half of myslef, half of my heart, half of my soul.
Tryin to figure out if the rest of me is out there.
As far as i know it's not. It's lost along with me.
Triyin to say to myself you won't be unhappy for long.
When all i Knew it was just a lie.
I was looking for my answer, but didn't find one.
Until i was found, my heart was whole again.
Ive come out of the dark and into the light.
I've let its rays shine down and warm my skin.
I let the rain fall from the sky down to my fingers then finally drop to the ground.
And guess what, i've finally found that place that where my heart won't break anymore.

My hands are blood stained from clutching my wounds, as i try to sew them back together myself. Im not gonna lie, it hurts. It hurts so bad that i dont think i can take it anymore. I scream out in pain as i sew every stitch. why am i doing this on my own? because i know the wounds wont heal by themselves. they will just get worse. until i lose all of my sanity all that i am good for... i don't understand this. why does it hurt so bad? why can't all the bad things just go away? pray for me... pray that all the madness stop and i'm lifted form hell all in one piece... because i don't wanna hurt anymore...

.....

im ready to free fall into your arms and for you to catch me.
im ready for you to take my hands and we run.
i will dance with you underneath the stars all night and the nights after that.
lets get on a spaceship and fly to mars.
we've got forever and nobody is going to stop us.
lets take a chance fly, fly to our tomorrow.
smile like you mean it, love like you mean it.
look at me, i look at you.
i see you for you, with the good.
im ready to put my heart into this.... the question is are you??...... i hope so.

unsaid

unsaid.. one word, six letters, one big meaning. it means not saying. what have you not said. have you not said i love you? have you not said you're my everything? have you not said that you're the thing that makes me happy? i didn't say i love you like i should have.
i didn't say that he was my everything. i didn't tell him that he made me happy. he doesn't know. he doesn't know that he's amazing. he doesn't know that he deserves it all. he doesn't even know what i still feel... but you know he doesn't care. he probably doesn't even think. truth is i think everyday. but what did you expect? that i would totally forget? totally lose all possible feeling? someone said it wasn't bad to feel this way... have you ever felt this way? i bet you have.. suck doesn't it.

"what do i do now that you're gone? no back up plans, no second chance, and no one else to blame. all i can hear in the silence that remains are the words i couldn't say.... what do i do what do i say?" -Rascal Flatts

so unsaid... it's one word, six letters, and one big meaning. it means not saying. so what have you not said.... i bet if you say it... you wont feel like this. hhmm... if only right. yep if only.

poem i wrote April 29,2010

Let's go for a walk, a walk back in time. where you were you and I was me. Let's remind ourselves that this isn't real but imaginary. That's all it can ever be now. It's not fiction because it's already happened. It's history but it didn't come out of a textbook. We lived this, together. that was real though. You were real and so was I.
Look into your thoughts and tell me what you see. Do you see me? Do you see you? Let your mind wander. Where does it go? Do you think of me? Do think of you?
On this walk, hold my hand. So we don't get lost. On this walk, look and see me. Not like you do now but then. On this walk, know who I am and who I was. On this walk, talk to me. Tell me what you see.
Do you see it yet? Because I do. I see all of it. All the laughs and all the tears and all the hurts. All the happiness and sadness all the good and all the bad. Now let's relive the ones where we laughed the hardest. Where we both smiled and laughed till we cried. You know which ones they are. Can you see those?
Let's enjoy this. Let's take our time. because we've got forever and ever.... what's the rush.
Our lives are different now. Not ever like we knew them. We are torn at the seams. I don't look at you. You don't look at me. We never saw who we really were. We let our minds wander they never go anywhere. We look into our thoughts and there's nothing there. I'm right here and you're right there. We see now. but there's no words, no emotion. Just straight faces. it's hard to believe that there was ever anything there. That we ever were happy. That we ever knew each other. Because there's nothing there. You don't care and I don't care.
So on this walk, take your last few steps, take your last breath, and look one more time. now look beside you and tell me what you see. Do you see me? because i see you... ..

babies. :)

so small and fragile, tender to every touch.
so innocent and pure, naive to all the hate.
ten fingers ten toes, little nails on each one.
little big eyes that see the world as good not bad.
tiny ears that hear you say you love her.
series of sounds as she tries to say it back.
the touch of her hand to grab a hold of yours
to keep her steady so she doesn't fall.
that toothless smile that brightens your day
you made a funny face so she smiled your way.
when worse comes to worse
kiss it to make it better.
she is your world right?
yep and shes mine :)

For Heidi bug and Maddi poo :) ♥

my story..

okay, see this body of mine? its tiny, uneven, and scarred.
my head, my brain in it pictures flood and the know hows.
theres a full head of hair, all different colors
to show you parts of my family.
my ears they hear lies and truths and cries,
laughs, yells, and whispers.
my eyes, ice blue, see the world for what it really is.
mature and in focus to the things that really matter.
they saw many things that i or you never wanted to see.
my mouth is where my voice exits my thoughts.
where my songs are heard. where the laughs
escape and the screams enter the ears of others.
where my crooked smile spreads across my face.
my lips, where my funny faces come from.
the lips that kissed his.
my freckles, ive been out in the sun too long.
one too many sunburns. memories from where ive been.
go a little lower and my and youll see my chest.
inside there youll find my ribs, my lungs, my heart.
my heart is where Jesus and my Mamaw live.
my tummy, theres a birthmark. its dark brown.
not very big, but not teeny tiny.
its like my copyright.
on my back, youll find a scar from where i fell down
the stairs as a kid. where it hurts after a long day.
ill hold out my arms to you.**
>on the right one youll see scars from my troubled past.
and an unhealed break.
my fingers touch the world no matter how gross.
the place where i bite my nails when i get nervous or bored.
my legs, the strongest part of me. they hold me up
when i want to collapse. they take the pain.
ill show you my left one.
theres a scar showing you how lucky i am to
keep running. under it is where i will never feel
anything again.
ill show you my right one. clean of all injuries, but
still gives me hell.
my feet, my running tool. get me from place to place.
hard soled to tell you that they are strong to anything.
my toes, where my least favorite color of paint covers them.
i have ten of those.
my skin, dark and tattered. camouflages all the scars,
takes away the bad memory. shows you that summer is my favorite.
my mind, clean of all problems. infused with the intoxication
of happiness.
Elizabeth... 9 letter word. infinite meanings, infinite imperfections.
bundled up with the perfection of life and polished
vision of being here.
its just the gist of being me...
you cant plagiarize me me...
you cant change me...
i only change for myself. and i did.
take a look at me... :-) ♥

Read more: http://www.myspace.com/lizzyroxlots/blog#ixzz0zBiJwi8S

its a new beginning here. this is a new life. my eyes open wide. then close again. how does someone feel like falling deep inside ones self. i just wanna fall away. fall off the cloud that brought me so far. slide across the floors that have always been my base. shout off the roof top that has always been the shelter of my everything. tare through the ropes that have been my strength. i want to cry through my days. erase the laughs that you or i had ever had. scream when i hear your voice. i feel like cringing when i feel your lovely touch. i am leaving. ive opened the door that led me to this beginning. now im closing it to see that this is the end. you will stand on the other side. stare in my eyes. ill say it all. this silence burns my ears. i have no tears, i have no regret. this will not break me. it will no longer be my weakness. this proves to be my strength... my strength to let go because i cant hold on.

you know who you are.

you were nothing but a fluke.
the exact reason i was afraid.
but i actually i knew i was risking this.
stupid of me actually.
i saw this coming, as slow as i did it still came.
tars flood my eyes.
they fall from my face to the palms of my hands.
and there i hold my stupidity.
just remember you caused this.
but its not your fault.
it was mine for letting you.
this should have never happened.
i never should have felt the way i did,
only to get hurt... kind of like we both knew i would.

its like this...

its like falling into cold water for the first time

kind of like taking your first steps. maybe like following the rules.

even tho there arent many of those.

this feeling is total bliss. almost effortless, like floating or flying.

its kind of like drifting away but youre still here.

my heart, it keeps beating. with every one i fall even harder.

i think of you, then i smile because you think of me too.

like puzzle pieces we fit.

hand in had we'll walk. our eyes will always lock.

some pieces will be stronger than others and some will just be forgotten.

im falling into cold water. taking my first steps into this.

i dont want to follow the rules. this is total bliss.

effortless this feeling is. this is like flying.

im drifting, but closer to you.

my heart only beats for you. as it will always.

i fall harder and harder everyday for you.

you always seem to make me smile.

our pieces seem to fit perfectly.

and from the beginning i knew this was it,

i knew i could quit looking for this.

because i took one look into your eyes,

and at that instant i knew i was looking into my forever. <3